Spoken by Bilbo[]
" "I have never used a sword in my life." Bilbo to Gandalf
- Bilbo Baggins: Just a minute.
- Bilbo Baggins: Orc pack?
- Bilbo Baggins: What are you saying? My sword hasn't seen battle?
- "[annoyed, but quietly] Bebother and confusticate these dwarves!
- "[blankly] Good evening.
- "[emerges from hiding] No, he isn't.
- "[excitedly] I'm going on an adventure!
- "[grabbing a doily from Nori] Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth.
- "[jumps back and points his sword] Let me think! Let me think! [tries to think of the answer, but is stumped]
- "[long pause] Fair enough. [puts his sword away]
- "[looks at the pond in the cave] Wind. It's wind! Of course it is.
- "[mortified] Excuse me! That's my mother's West Farthing pottery, it's over 100 years old! [to the other dwarves clashing the cutlery together] And can you not do that? You'll blunt them!
- "[nervously] Give me a moment, please! I gave you a good long while. [muttering to himself] Birds, beasts... Beasts? Trees, flowers... [out loud] I don't know this one.
- "[pulls out his sword to prevent Gollum from attacking him] A-A-A-A-A-A box without hinges, key, or-or lid / Yet golden treasure inside is hid.
- "[quickly takes the ring out of his pocket and hides it behind his back] What have you lost?
- "[realizing] No. No, no, no. You said ask me a question. Well, that is my question. What have I got in my pocket?
- "[realizing] Time. Time... [louder] The answer...is time. [Gollum groans in frustration] Ahem. Actually, it wasn't that hard.
- "[shows Gollum his hand] Wrong. Guess again.
- "[stares at Gandalf] An adventure? Well, I don't imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner! [when Gandalf still doesn't leave, Bilbo awkwardly goes to his mail, pretending to pay no attention to him. Finally, he clears his throat] Good morning! [heads for his front door]
- "[startled] Inform who? Wait, wha - no! No. No, wait. We do not want any adventures here, thank you - not today! Not - I suggest you try over the Hill or across the Water. Good morning! [hurries inside and shuts the door]
- "[stops] Beg your pardon?
- "[surprised] He - "Everyone"? How many more are there? [doorbell rings again, Bilbo is getting rather cross as he heads for the door.] Oh no. No, no. [louder, tossing the knives to the floor] There's nobody home! Go away and bother somebody else! There's far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is! I-I-If this is some...clot-head's idea of a joke... [chuckles sarcastically] ...I can only say. It is in very poor taste! [opens the door and eight dwarves (Dori, Nori, Ori, Óin, Glóin, Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur) fall down on top of each other. Gandalf stands behind looking at Bilbo] [with an irritated look on his face] Gandalf.
- "[swings his sword] Now...Now, keep...keep...keep your distance! I'll use this if I have to! [Gollum screams] I don't want any trouble! Do you understand!? Just show me the way to get out of here and I'll be on my way!
- "[thinks for a moment] Thirty white horses on a red hill. / First they champ, then they stamp, / Then they stand still.
- "[thinks] The mountain.
- "[to Balin] Is he coming back?
- "...Nope. [faints]
- "A tad excessive, isn't it? Have you got a cheese knife?
- "All of them at once, I suppose. [long pause] Can I help you?
- "And the fifth?
- "Are there any?
- "Back! Stay back. I'm...warning you. Don't come any closer.
- "Ca-? No, nothing's been cancelled.
- "Can you promise that I will come back?
- "Can't stop! I'm already late.
- "Do you give up?
- "Durin's Day?
- "Everything all right? Gandalf, where are you going?
- "Excuse me? Sorry, I hate to interrupt, but the thing is I'm not entirely sure you're in the right house. It's not that I don't like visitors. I-I like visitors as much as the next hobbit, but I do like to know them before they come visiting. The thing is...uh...the thing is, I don't know either of you, not in the slightest. I don't mean to be blunt, but I had to speak my mind. I'm sorry.
- "Good morning.
- "He said? Who said?
- "Hmm?
- "Huh? Yeah, I'm okay. [trying to take it in] Feeling a bit faint.
- "I can't just go running off into the blue! I am a Baggins... [whimpers] ...of Bag End!
- "I can't take this.
- "I didn't say anything.
- "I do believe you made that up.
- "I don't want to get used to them! The state of my kitchen! There's mud trod into the carpet! They pillaged the pantry. I'm not even gonna tell you what they've done in the bathroom. They've all but destroyed the plumbing! I don't understand what they're doing in my house.
- "I have...I have never used a sword in my life.
- "I would have doubted me too. I'm not a hero, or a warrior, or even a burglar. [they watch the eagles fly off] Is that what I think it is?
- "I'll be alright. Just let me sit quietly for a moment.
- "I'm a hobbit from the Shire.
- "I'm sorry, do I know you?
- "I-I don’t know what your game is, but I...
- "Is he a great wizard? Or is he more like you?
- "Is what down where?
- "It's supposed to look like that, it's crochet.
- "Late for what?
- "Look, I know you doubt me. I know - I know you always have. And you're right, I often think of Bag-End. I miss my books. And my armchair, and my garden. See, that's where I belong. That's home. And that's why I came back. Because...you don't have one. A home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back if I can.
- "Maybe.
- "My name is...Bilbo Baggins.
- "Nope! You can't come in; you've come to the wrong house. [tries to shut the door]
- "Not Gandalf, the wandering wizard who made such excellent fireworks. Old Took use to have them on Mid-summer's Eve. [chuckles] No idea you were still in business.
- "Okay... [thinks]
- "Other wizards?
- "That's no concern of yours. You lost.
- "That's what I thought. Sorry, Gandalf. I can't sign this. You've got the wrong hobbit.
- "Three guesses. Very well. Guess away.
- "Time for what?
- "Two guesses at once. Wrong both times. [Gollum tips over, falls, and starts crying] So...come then. I won the game; you promised to show me the way out.
- "Uh, "Terms: cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth total profit, if any." Seems fair...Uh, "Present Company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by, or sustained as a consequence thereof, including, but not limited to...la-ce-ra-tions..." "Evisceration"?..."Incineration"?
- "Uh, Bilbo...Baggins. At yours. [Dwalin walks in] Do we know each other?
- "Well, no, it's been in the family for years- [sees Kíli rubbing his shoes on the furniture] That's my mother's glory box! Could you please not do that?
- "Well?
- "What's the matter? I am surrounded by dwarves! What are they doing here?
- "What? Oh, uh, yes, yes. [finds a jar of seed-cakes] Help yourself. [pauses as Dwalin eats away] It's just that, um, I wasn't expecting company.
- "Who's that?
- "Wrong again. Last guess.
- "Yeah, I...I...I need air.
- "Yes, yes. All right. [thinks, putting his hand in his pocket, speaks to himself] What have I got in my pocket?
- "Yes.
- "Yes. Yes! And if I win, you show me the way out, yes?
- "Yes. Yes, and I want to get un-lost as soon as possible.
- "You're right. I do believe the worst is behind us. [smiles]
- Bilbo: No, no, no, no. I-I want to play. I do. I want to play. I can see you are very good at this. So, why don't we have a game of riddles? Yes, just-just-just you and me.
Spoken About Bilbo[]
The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey[]
- "I don't know. Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check. But that is not what I have found. I've found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is because I am afraid, and he gives me courage."
- ―Gandalf to Lady Galadriel